Saturn

Hi, hello, how’s it going? It’s been a minute since I’ve been here. In truth, I’ve never been here because my friend Tonia and I started from scratch to create a new site. A bit of business before I dive in with my word vomit: thanks to jetpack, you are getting this because you subscribed to my old site. If you are feeling like nah, I’m out, then I think you can unsubscribe right from your email. No worries at all, I won’t even know. 

Last year was a whole clusterfuck for all of us. For me personally, it was a year of shattering many, many things that needed to be shattered. One situation after another presented itself as if I was in some sort of final epic battle that needed to be fought in order to move forward as my truest self. Of course, I’ve always tried to be my truest self. That’s part of my neurodivergence, to always be as honest as possible. But add in some trauma, and not knowing I was neurodivergent, and you have some major life shatterings. It was time for me to shut out all external noise, become extremely solitary except for a few close friendships and learn which pieces needed to be picked back up and plugged back in. And which pieces needed to GFTO. 

I lost a lot. Former friends, contacts, close relationships, executive functioning, my mind for awhile. It has been heartbreaking and will take time to heal from. But I gained so much. With support and time and whispers from The Muse, I am now here with a determination to continue my work, fully on my terms. Some things have not changed. More than ever, we are seeing a crumbling of this shit world that only benefits a few. We are seeing many people speaking up about what they need to thrive. We are hearing from the very people who know what we need to move forward into a thriving world. I am and have always been here for that. 

Because I exist in a strange fringe pocket of humanity, I don’t do well on social media. So I needed a playground to express myself fully, on my terms. I intersect at several points that the powers that be do not like: I’m pansexual, non-binary, gender fluid, neurodivergent, chronically ill, and supportive of anti-racism and the destruction of a world that is killing so many of us. The platforms frequently shadowban my accounts and I’m tired of trying to fit my star shaped body into their square algorithms. So I’m picking up my toys and making my own universe. (I’m still using other platforms, but you know what I mean.)

This playground is for self expression. In my natal chart, Saturn is in Leo. For me that means that I have had a major theme of breaking all barriers of self containment in order to bloom into the magnetic, funny, powerful, magical being that I’ve always known I was. I’ve always been a late bloomer, but what better way to start my 44th year on this earth. I felt the stirrings back on my birthday in October, and this Scorpio has most certainly burned to ash and been reborn once again. 

I’m not going to make any predictions or promises about this space. Only that my intention is to keep it raw, unfiltered, at times that means it will be explicit. I am a legion of creativity that follows my own heartbeat. So if you’re down for that, I hope you stay and I’d be happy for the company. My Leo in Saturn loves someone to ride in the passenger seat while we listen to dope jams and laugh at nonsense. I’ll bring the snacks. 

 

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Gayle F Ellison Davis

    SHOTGUN!

    1. Carrie

      Yesss!!

  2. Julier Montinieri

    Carrie, I’m happy to be hearing from you again. I’m sorry you’ve been through the wringer with such a painful year. The self-discovery continues for all of us and I, too, hope that this world will continue to evolve to make room for all of us.

    1. Carrie

      Thank you Julie. It feels good to be writing again.

  3. Mandy

    Leo is my sun sign and Scorpio is my moon sign.

    1. Carrie

      that is a POTENT combo

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