Forever have I tried to untangle the knots of my soul by pulling and cursing and forcing the sinew apart.
Forever have I pushed against the world inside me to obey, to conform, to be better.
Forever have I spit insults at my heart for being a firehose of a person, drowning the people around me with the force of my spirit.
Forever have I tried to tone it down for you to like me.
To slim it down so you don’t stare at me.
To become a shell of myself in order to be nice.
Forever is over.
I am bursting out of the seams of my skin.
In fact, I don’t even have that skin anymore. I shed it time and time again the last few months. I’m a pile of branches waiting to be burned. Waiting to be ashes again, to fly into the air and reform into something new, but something old. Older than you can even know. Where I come from, old and new don’t exist anymore. We just are.
And we are glorious.
And so are you.
I’m done with this relationship with myself. I’m breaking it off. There is nothing more for me to do than to just be. Singular.
And when I really, really let that sink in…there is an exhale in the whole universe of my being.
written December 2015