Just when I thought I had lost all connection to the magical (I knew in truth it was the depression causing the disconnect), I found a thread in nature, again. I found a thread I had left behind years ago, first in making bread and then in the growing of plants. Like everything I do, I never feel like an expert in anything, just learning as I go and trusting my intuition. It’s brought me to some amazing places, when I let go of the need to “know enough” or understand where I’m being led. I can feel the earth calling to me, asking me to be a vessel for healing. But in a new way. To take the years I’ve spent doing the work, learning, fostering the alchemy and throwing it back into the world. They always say you teach what you need to learn. I have no desire to teach, but I do have a desire to learn about these plants and herbs and the way they have healed humanity for eons. I feel a thread back to my magical ancestors, who worked in the soil, who worked with paint, who worked with flour and water, always staying real and close to the earth in order to bring healing to all who need it.
During the depression, I have questioned who I am, where I fit in, like I always do, but in a much deeper way. I have felt stripped of everything I thought I understood. I have more questions than I ever did and I have found so many of those questions to be irrelevant now. For me, it’s being in this body, healing what needs to be healed, what is in front of me and to pick up the threads in front of me. I am here and so are you and I feel, for whatever reason, some very old ways are making their way to me and through me. And I am humbled by it. As I’ve awakened this time around, I have found so many things growing in the space I was called to all those years ago. We continue to find so many quartz hiding in the soil, wild herbs that have been used medicinally for years and years, an eagerness for our lot to be loved and nurtured. There is an interesting contrast where we live, between the energy I feel from the land and the people who inhabit this town. It’s changing but it still feels very oppressed and heavy. I sometimes wonder if there was a curse put down here as I learn the history of how the white Christian people came in and took over, exercising an entitlement that was never theirs to have. I question everyday how I can help this land and why I am here.
I wish my lineage was one that this information had been passed down to me and maybe in some ways it was. There is a disconnect in my family line but my mother did pass along her knowledge and gift of cooking and growing things. I found out that a great-great aunt who lived in this same area that I moved to 13 years ago baked bread every day. I am still amazed that I moved to the same town (on “accident” that my Germanic ancestors settled in back in the mid 1800s, even down to living mere blocks away from some of their residences). I imagine my deep German/Scandinavian ancestry were people of the earth, growing herbs and maybe even a few seers hidden back in there somewhere. Who knows. It comes from somewhere. I can feel them in my blood.
Keep an eye on shop updates, here, or on IG. Rebecca and I have put in as big of a garden as our yard can take and are beginning to offer many of our nature offerings alongside the healing art, the readings and other curios. I’m so glad to be joined by such a magical woman and building this family healing business. xo